But I can’t help but think of how awkward voice search could get – especially if you’re out in public using it on your mobile phone.

Below is a list of real searches conducted on Google that will get you some strange looks if you speak them in public:

• Gas and bloating remedies
• How to pop a zit on the inside of your nose
• Toilet that wipes for you
• Why is my cat’s poop black?
• Can you be allergic to weed?
• My Little Pony is badass
• Why is my bunny digging?
• How to bedazzle a bra
• What to do when you’re amazing
• When do acorns fall?
• Be a abercrombie and fitch model
• Are assassins real?

I’m writing you to express my concern over your recent rebellion. For the past month, you’ve moped around angry at the family for dragging you along on a vacation to the nation’s capital. I understand that your life sucks and traveling to world class cities is a terrible burden for you to bear.

We were so inconsiderate to force you to leave your room and give you the opportunity to explore a city full of boring things like an original copy of the first Superman comic and the Apollo 11 command module. Parents have absolutely no right to take notice of what their adolescents are interested in. Demonstrating knowledge of your interest in space and comic books in a public forum is an unforgivable grievance.

We’ve deserved every minute of punishment you’ve doled out since. After all, you’re 14 and you know better than us. At 33 and 31, your dad and I are unhip to the ways of your new generation. Thus, your teenage rebellion is fully underway.

You spend all day stomping around the house, slamming the refrigerator door (which has an added bonus of glass clinging around thanks to those blue Jones sodas I bought you), and tapping incessantly. You haven’t showered since last Thursday, you’ve stopped doing your schoolwork and you won’t do your chores. From someone who often declares tasks “impossible” and insists on giving up on the most simple of requests, your ability to continue on like this is astounding.

Despite these accomplishments, I remain concerned that your rebellion is not progressing along as it should. Yesterday, your father asked you to take out the trash and you immediately obeyed without any hesitation or complaint. In this scenario, the correct response is to yell “No,” stomp up the stairs and throw one of your toys against the wall. This, of course, will not require any new skills on your part, so it shouldn’t be too taxing on your already jam-packed schedule of doing essentially nothing.

Additionally, last night we called you out of your room to, once again, engage in our parental duties of encouraging you to not do these behaviors. (How else are you supposed to rebel if you do not, in fact, have anything to rebel against?) We were a bit disappointed at your willingness to come downstairs without any resistance whatsoever. We are beginning to fear for the very existence of your rebellion, especially with such implicit compliance twice in one day!

We then proceeded to discuss the paradox of your current behavioral conquests. All day long you attempt to get our attention, but the minute we step foot in your room, you lash out with a quick and decisive “Leave me alone!”

Once we brought this conflict to light, you just sat there, staring at us, instead of partaking in the normal ritual of defending oneself by screaming completely irrational excuses. A couple of times, you even displayed the makings of a smile, an indication that perhaps the logic of our parental discourse was indeed sinking into parts of the mind that process such teachings. You must prevent these processes if you are to successfully continue using the dark side of the force.

Your father and I had to go so far as to give you ideas on how to rebel during the conversation. Finally, you took a clue and went upstairs before we indicated that the conversation had reached its conclusion. In the future, we would prefer it if you engaged in this behavior without walking slowly out of the room and smiling at us the entire time. Rebellious behavior must be engaged with swift, impulsive action and an outburst reminiscent of the Incredible Hulk. Fake it until you make it, if you must.

It is, of course, with great risk, that I even broach this subject with you. It is important for adolescents to rebel against their parents in order to employ themselves fully in the process of individuation. How will you possibly be able to do that when your future capacity to do this relies upon the advice of your mother and father who suffer the gaps of your rebellious inconsistencies?

I do not fear, however, for the irrational and illogical production of the teenage mind knows no bounds. Look to biology as your guide and you will continue to go astray. Now, go forth and be dishonorable.

Sincerely,
Mom

Zach Galifianakis. His name might be unpronouncable, but that’s okay because his body leaves you speechless.

Al Yankovic. A mix of Yugoslavian, Italian, English, Californian, and Kentuckian, Alfred is our token exotic model with a Russian-sounding name.

Will Ferrell. Like any good swimsuit edition, this photo pushes the envelope on the very definition of swimwear.

Jim Carrey. Two words: Me. Ow.

Doug Benson goes to the beach baked and wearing a black hoodie.

Reggie Watts. He wouldn’t be caught dead at the beach (or anywhere) without a flannel. And Watts is a trend-setter. Expect to see plaid, button-down, long-sleeved shirt men from Miami to Rio this year.

Jim Gaffigan and Conan O’Brien. These two men use their sexy hotness to send a positive message: Use sunscreen and lots of it.

Rob Riggle. Here’s a day-to-night option. A tie that works at the office and at the pool.

Ken Jeong. He’s also and MD and you know how much women love men with lots of cash doctors.

Hmmm, I wonder why Americans don’t travel abroad so much…

Where’s all that money going?

Why was it that the NASDAQ ended the week up 3%?

“Jersey Shore” star Snooki turns novelist

Okla. boy rescued after tongue gets stuck on pole

Canine gets head stuck in wall

Lithuania launches national perfume

But I can’t help wondering what we might have said if we hadn’t been stopped. Maybe we were just around the corner from something thrilling. Isn’t that the nature of a live conversation? It halts, it stutters, it doubles back, it soars. We might have found a small nugget, something off topic or unexpected, that wouldn’t have warranted the refund that was offered.

I have often sensed that interruption occurs at the moment just before insight manifests. The interrupter steals a valuable moment from the interruptee (often we steal that moment from ourselves, procrastination anyone?). Who knows what problems might have been already solved if those who are tasked with instruction or oversight had exerted patience?

Unfortunately, we give into the halts, either forcing something impulsively or giving up altogether. Any resulting gains do not often carry the same thrills as if we’d stayed the course.

If the e-mailers could have lived with “I am unamused” for just a little longer, or had given us some understanding based on past performance, or even a little old-fashioned respect, something worthwhile, unusual or calamitous might have emerged. Who knows, maybe I would have ended up singing my novel.