Indecisive Man

He can’t decide which building to leap. He’s not sure which phone booth to use as a changing room. He’s unable to pick between Cute Newspaper Reporter and Female Superhero Counterpart.

He’s…

INDECISIVE MAN.

First responders actually have to arrive on scene and assist citizens during emergencies because Indecisive Man can’t choose who he wants to save or how he wants to save them. As a result, Indecisive Man waffles between relief for not having to make a decision and angst at not fulfilling his potential.

One day, Indecisive Man began questioning the meaning of life. Perhaps, he should hang up the cape and live the life of Regular Man. After all, while humans don’t have superpowers, they do have useful traits. Plus, why introduce the pomp and circumstance of superhero rescues into situations that require as little drama as possible?

From now on, Indecisive Man would just be Regular Man. He would be a Good Samaritan, but he wouldn’t go out of his way to maybe save someone.

For the first week, Regular Man felt pretty good. He asked Cute Newspaper Reporter out on a date and suggested a restaurant instead of saying, “Wherever you want to go.”

Meanwhile, the world began crumbling apart. Productivity came to a halt. Economies around the world crashed. Long lines plagued banks and stores. No one could decipher a discernible reason for the sudden mayhem.

Female Superhero Counterpart paid Regular Man a visit. She implored him to return to his life as Indecisive Man, but Regular Man, with his new decision-making powers, politely but assertively declined.

Disgusted with Regular Man, Female Superhero Counterpart left and tirelessly fought the world’s problems with Passive-Aggressive Man, Stoic, Bystander, Slothman, Slothgirl and the rest of the League of Subservience.

During the second week, an unsettling feeling began to emerge within Regular Man. As the days went by, Regular Man became more and more agitated. Despite drinking green tea and trying yoga, he couldn’t shake his troubles.

By the third week, Regular Man was only going through the motions of being a common man. One day, Cute Newspaper Reporter was hanging out at his place, when he asked her if she wanted to rent a movie. She said yes. He wanted to impress her by watching a film she was interested in, but he didn’t want to suffer the boredom of watching something he hated.

So he said, “What would you like to watch?” Relief washed over him like a peak wave in a high tide.

Cute Newspaper Reporter threw out a few suggestions: an action movie, a comedy movie, or an action comedy romance sequel of a blockbuster hit.

All of those felt meh to him. That meh felt so good.

He suggested a few other movies. A shot of adrenaline ran up his back and tingled his neck.

Finally, it hit him. He couldn’t go on being Regular Man. He must return to being Indecisive Man.

“Maybe we’ll just see what’s on TV,” he said.

After scrolling through the programming guide, he left it on the channel that came on when he turned on the TV. A Bonanza marathon was playing on one of those local stations from a big city a thousand miles away that the cable company inexplicably includes in its basic package.

Two-ish hours later, Indecisive Man said, “You could stay the night if you want. Or not. It’s up to you.”

Unfortunately, Cute Newspaper Reporter was more attracted to Regular Man than she was Indecisive Man. This was fine with Indecisive Man, since he wasn’t sure if he wanted the relationship to continue.

“I have a lot to do tomorrow. Big week ahead.” Cute Newspaper Reporter left. Indecisive Man kept watching Bonanza until he fell asleep on the couch.

When he awoke the next morning, the far away local news was on, and the news was good. Long lines were growing shorter, productivity was returning to businesses, and economies were once again on the upswing. Indecisive Man saved the day once again. Probably.