Nathania Johnson

There comes a time after the diagnosis with cancer that you find a funny bone you didn’t know existed. You suddenly find yourself cracking jokes about surgery, scars, and treatment. It’s extremely powerful, because cancer can’t touch your sense of humor. It’s one of the few things you have control over.

For a short time, I ran a humor site for thyroid cancer survivors. It joked about such topics as being radioactive during treatment and the dumb things people say like “Did you turn green?” Seriously, folks – we’ve heard that one before.

I once made my own T-shirt with radioactive symbols on it and the words, “Let it glow, Let it glow, Let it glow.” It was around Christmastime and I was doing my annual scans to see if my cancer had grown or recurred. To scan for my particular brand of cancer, you have to get a tad bit radioactive, which makes the cells light up on the scanning machine.

I was in a unique situation where there were markers in my blood but nothing would show up on scans. The markers were indicators that thyroid cells existed in my body. I had no idea if they were cancerous or benign.

So, I wore my shirt. The nuclear medicine tech who barely spoke English got a chuckle. No one else even noticed. Oh well, you take laughs where you can get them.

The cells have never been found, but each year we continue to read their message in the bloodwork: “We’re still here. One day you might have a recurrence and need more treatment. Or you might not. Or we might totally mess with you, congregate in your lymph nodes and require you to have extensive neck surgery.”

Those cells taunt me. But the joke is on them. They’ll never find my funny bone.

Despite my recent posts on obesity myths and how fat actually is good for you, I can still understand if you want to lose weight. In fact, I want to lose some weight. Am I a hypocrite? I don’t think so. Let me explain.

First, I should clarify what I mean by losing weight. I want to shed some of the gut/chest fat because it’s beginning to cause problems with my back and posture. I intend to enhance my focus on weight training, so that I’ll build strong muscles in my back. Because of that, I may not actually lose a ton of weight. I’m not looking to really shed pounds as much as release the burden on my back.

Some people love how they look fat. Many more people probably would if there wasn’t such false pressure based on bad science in this country.

Some people like being thin. Others like being muscular and toned.

So many body shapes, there should be a lot more love!

I think the idea is to not let any one ideal push you to do stupid things to your body.

When I learned that DSI Comedy Theater needed a headshot now that I’m a bon-a-fide improv performance artist, I figured it was as good a time as any to get some new pics taken. I hired my usual husband photographer to snap some great fashion-forward photos of me. I not only relied on my award-worthy acting chops, but utilized my training from watching several seasons of America’s Next Top Model. Those bitches don’t lie, ya’ll. Modeling is hard. So, sit back, relax and watch a pro do it.

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=240031&id=528554992&saved#!/album.php?aid=240031&id=528554992

I wrote recently about the dangers of distracted driving – primarily cell phone usage both calling and texting. It’s more dangerous than drunk driving.

But why are people feeling the need to use their cell phones so much while they’re driving? Why is their the need for distraction?

My number one guess is boredom. But it’s still amazing to me how easily and quickly we get bored. It’s not that people are just bored while driving, they’re bored waiting in line. The other day I was at a restaurant waiting for my food and I was so enthralled with my email, I didn’t hear them call my order!

I’ve witnessed plenty others do the same. Because they often make me wait longer with their distracted ways.

An article in the New York Times yesterday talked about this issue of filling micro-moments with digital distractions. But the convenience of devices available for constant entertainment is not necessarily a good thing.

Research suggests that without downtime, your brain won’t fully process and commit to memory the things that you’re learning. Additional research suggests that you’ll learn better after walking in nature than walking in an urban environment.

(The article cited rat studies. I’m not a big fan of rat studies and their implications for humans, but I was still intrigued by the results.)

Personally, I feel stimulated when in an urban environment. But I do agree that constant stimulation can create overload. This is why it’s very important for cities to include parks in their urban areas. Plus, perhaps schools should spend more on landscaping than fancy structures (I’m looking at you, California.)

The problem with slowing down is that our thoughts can scare the shit out of us. When you slow down, you might actually have to deal with conflict and insecurities and rejection and impurities and imperfection.

It’s easier to keep busy. But we do so at our own peril.

Things are left unfinished. Relationships suffer. Texting while driving kills people.

And we slowly kill ourselves.

The good news is that slowing down doesn’t always have to involve the scary thoughts mentioned above. I have a hunch that once you start doing it, eventually your thoughts are happy. You dream, you fantasize. You think of how to brighten someone’s day. You figure out how to reach a goal.

It will take some courage at first, but it might just be worth it.

Since I’ve explored the topic of obesity myths and the idea that being fat has actually shown to make people live longer and not shorter, it’s a question worth exploring.

• Too few calories can disrupt bone formation in women – into their 30s. source
• A study of 13,000 men followed over 40 years showed that an increase in weight was associated with a decrease in the risk of dying from cancer and infections. source
• Of people undergoing dialysis, the obese fare better than smaller people. source
• Fatter cardiac patients are more likely to survive hospitalizations and invasive treatments. source
• You’re 2.5 times LESS likely to die of acute heart failure when hospitalized if you’re obese as opposed to “normal weight.” source
• In the U.S., obesity rates have increased while heart disease has decreased. source

So why do we always hear that being skinny is better for you? We’ve looked before at the money angle.

Another reason might be control. It’s well-documented that most diseases are hereditary. That’s scary.  Therefore, weight loss is an attractive theory – it gives the illusion of control. Unfortunately, too many people do dangerous things to lose weight, like consume too-few calories.

In light of all this, is it wrong to be skinny? No. Plenty of both skinny and fat and obese people have long lifespans. While fat and obesity has some advantages (in the well-conducted studies), the margin of advantage was, for the most part, not that much.

Does anyone need to worry about their weight then?

Yes. You *do* need to be concerned if you’re underweight or if you’re super-obese (think BMI >35 range). This represents a small percentage of the population. These folks are being underserved when we expand our definition of fat and thin beyond where they truly need to be.

How to proceed?

Calories: Make sure you get enough each day, at *least* 1200. On the flip side, don’t consume so much that you’re putting yourself in the extreme BMI category. That’s a tougher number to configure, and it truly does vary for different people.

Strength training: Bone density and bone health are important for EVERYONE and strength training helps you accomplish that. If you’re skinny and can’t gain weight (I used to be this person), strength training is a great way to build muscle mass and gain the weight your body needs for all of those health benefits mentioned above. You don’t have to be a body builder. Just 2-3 days, 30 minutes at a time (1 hour a week!) can help you build strong muscles and bones.

Ladies, don’t worry about muscle bulk. You’d need to take steroids and maintain a strict regimen to look like the freaky deaky body building women you’ve seen pictures of. A few barbell exercises aren’t going to come close to doing that for you.

Oh and here’s a fun tip. Many strength trainers drink chocolate milk after their workouts. The mix of protein and carbs helps build and maintain their muscles.

Conclusion:

Skinny people: stop judging fat people.

Fat people: stop being jealous of skinny people. You will bury them, but just a few years before you die.

Medical researchers: stop skewing numbers.

Doctors: think for yourself and don’t just accept what’s been passed down in medical school. Find the good studies and treat your patients accordingly.

Hollywood: Hire more fat people for on-screen roles. They can act. Many of your skinny bitches cannot.

Last week I went to my first improv audition. They were held at DSI Comedy Theater in Carrboro. I always heard (though not at DSI) “you never make your first improv auditions.” LIARS.

I made it. I made a brand new team at DSI. I found out last Thursday.

Normally this is the type of news I would shout from rooftops. But I didn’t.

I think it’s because my improv journey began 10 years ago and this is my first team. I kept it to myself for awhile. I savored it.

I’m also terrified. I went to my first practice last night. And I realized pretty quickly that I have this nasty voice in my head whispering “You don’t deserve to be here.”

I am now in the process of murdering that voice.

My first performance with my first improv team ever is Friday at 7:30pm at DSI. Hide your wife, hide your kids, hide your husbands and come on out to watch.

This week, results from a study on palliative care for cancer patients was released. It suggests that cancer patients receive palliative care from the beginning of treatment instead of end-of-life. Those who do live an average of three months longer, experience less pain and depression.

First of all, I don’t know what doctor in their right mind has been denying their patients pain relief from the beginning. Oncologists/surgeons/etc do everything possible to relieve the pain of those undergoing chemotherapy.

Pain and depression are tightly related. So if you don’t have pain relief, you will get depressed. If you are already depressed, pain will make it worse. Actually, depression is often a sign that cancer has returned in some cancers.

But apparently, there is confusion over what palliative care is. It’s simply making people as comfortable as possible during cancer treatment. Unfortunately, many people think palliative care is hospice. It’s not. Hospice is truly end-of-life care.

So here’s the deal: if you get cancer, you want as much pain relief as possible. Tell your doctor. Don’t worry about the news of your pain “burdening” your friends and family. People need to know if you experience pain so they can help you feel better.

If you have a doctor who’s not sympathetic to your pain, find a better doctor!

Now to the extending life by three months discussion. This is not always a positive thing. My dad lived longer than the average patient for his type of brain cancer. But the word “live” is a technicality. The last 3-5 months of his life were spent mostly sleeping in hospital bed set up in his living room. He wasn’t a vegetable, but he wasn’t much more either. My dad would never have asked for euthanasia, but it made me realize people should have the right to avoid long, excruciating deaths.

We oppose torture, but we force people to die this way? It makes no sense.

Of course, you wouldn’t want to forego palliative care. Indeed, it likely helps people avoid excruciating deaths by drugging them up the whole time. This is another big reason why marijuana should be legalized! Most pain meds have nasty side effects. Marijuana would make palliative care so much better!

This study only involved 151 people who had lung cancer. I have no doubt that future studies would prove that palliative care is optimal for cancer patients. What we should really be concerned about are doctors who are ignoring the pain and depression of their patients from the get-go!

Many people, when they first get into acting of any kind, either over-act or under-act. The over-actors REALLY want to show you just how ANGRY or HAPPY or SAD or ENTHUSIASTIC they are. The under-actors are afraid of showing that.

Both miss the mark.

Acting isn’t about showing. It’s about being. I’m not claiming to have mastered this. I just know it.

When you act, you have to be vulnerable enough to be those emotions that you share with your character. It’s scary.

Because you might not be a serial killer, but the terrifying reality of humanity is that we share the same basic emotions that serial killers do. (The good news is that we also share the same basic emotions that people like Mother Teresa experienced.)

Of course, serial killers’ emotions are skewed. But the happiness he experiences when he kills is still happiness.

Many actors will overdo it because they’re afraid of connecting with such a dark and demented scenario. And who could blame them? But the film will suffer.

That’s an extreme example. Vulnerability is difficult in much less intense scenarios than that. That’s why acting is so damn difficult, and why people far too often opt for showing instead of being.

Hollywood does us no favors, since their priority is an extremely narrow definition of beauty. Acting comes second, if we’re lucky. Instead, you’ll find some of the best actors in great independent films – or even at your local community theater.

An article featured on a Yahoo! site – and written by a doctor, no less – is a good example of media reports that are all fluff instead of reporting the real facts about obesity.

Entitled “Can You Be Fit & Fat?,” the article supposedly summarizes new research from Harvard suggesting that you can’t be fit and fat.

The only solid detail we know is that the research is based on 100,000 people. That likely means they looked at the medical records of 100,000 people. (Oh and remember when the CDC did that for 400,000 people and left out 90% of the data so they could “prove” obesity kills people? Good times.)

I’m not saying that’s what Harvard did. But I doubt they really had 100,000 people enrolled in a double-blind controlled study either.

Here’s what we really don’t know:

- Harvard’s definition of fat
- Harvard’s definition of fit
- What fitness or fatness had to do with overall health or life expectancy rates in the data sample

The article also referenced the concept that waist fat is the only fat to worry about – that so-called “lean obese” people hold weight in their butt or thighs and that’s ok. But the waist ratio theory is a load of crap.

I think there are probably a lot more people who are overweight/obese and having healthier lives than we might realized. You might not find it in a medical record though. Do you *really* think a doctor is going to note a healthy diet and exercise regimen for an overweight person? Probably not. Instead, they’ll probably think the patient is lying.

Therefore, if Harvard’s research was based on medical records – no matter what the conclusion truly was – it’s a theory at best.

Looking at me, you wouldn’t guess that most days I max out at 1500-1800 calories. Or that I weight-train twice a week. Both are true. It hasn’t made me lose the 30 lbs I put on a few years back, but it is still important to eat healthy and exercise, even if most of what is told to us about obesity is flat out wrong.

So here are a few tips I’ve gained along the way. First up, food:

1. Pizza. My family eats pizza at least once a week. But we switched from ordering Domino’s to eating frozen pizza we stick in the oven. We save a ton of calories, the ingredients are better for us and we also save a ton of money. We used to spend about $25 a week on pizza. Now, we spend $10-12. Our favorite is Newman’s Own.

2. Dessert. We used to eat dessert more often than we do. Now, we often keep chocolate around and eat a square or two after meals. We also only eat dark chocolate. Try to get above 80% if you can. It is possible to get your tastebuds to adjust to dark chocolate. Start off with 50% cocoa and work your way up. Personally, I love 85% all the way up to 95%. Anything less is now too sweet for me!

3. Coffee. 18 months ago, I began weaning myself down off of creamer in my coffee. 6 months ago I weaned myself off of adding sweetener to my coffee. I rarely order Frappucinos or other big fancy drinks anymore. These drinks are filled with carbs, sugar and little else. Enjoy them as a rare treat, not an everyday necessity.

4. Gradual progress. Notice above I talked about training your tastebuds to like dark chocolate or weaning myself off creamer. When you make gradual changes to your food habits, they can become easier to make. Be careful, though. If the progress is too slow, they won’t take at all.

5. Focus on introducing foods instead of taking away. When thinking about eating healthy, we often focus on what we “shouldn’t have.” Instead, focus on what you *should* have. Introduce veggies if you haven’t been eating them lately.

6. Keep indulging – just less frequently. If you keep yourself from enjoying a slice of chocolate cake, you’ll crash and burn your newfound healthy eating. Enjoy a slice a week and then use the small piece of chocolate plan during the rest of the week.

7. Drink water. Sometimes your body will say it’s hungry when it’s really just thirsty. My guess is this is especially true of people who don’t drink much water. Your body knows it can get you to eat and can get hydrated from the food. It really doesn’t need the food – it needs the water. Your soda won’t cut it, sorry

8. Olive oil. Extra virgin olive oil is really good for you. Some suggest you should have two tablespoons a day of the stuff. Use it to grease pans and baking dishes. You can also use it to dip bread in, make salad dressings, or spread on bread used in paninis.

9. Eat slowly. Enjoy your food. Savor the bite. We often eat too much because we eat so fast. For whatever reason, our stomach takes its time informing the brain of its fullness. Again, being fat is not unhealthy like you’ve been taught. But if you hate expensive grocery bills or just feel gluttonous at times, try eating slow.

Ok, now on to exercise tips.

1. Barbell/weight training. I keep a small set of barbells with adjustable weights in the corner of my living room. I had to start weight training to treat a persistent shoulder tendonitis. I found out that I actually liked weight training. Studies have shown that you only need to strength train twice a week to build/maintain muscle. Look up barbell exercises on Youtube or buy a book. You don’t need many reps either. I was surprised to learn how little I needed to do to get an adequate work out.

2. Find something to do in front of the television. If you don’t like barbells, try a treadmill or stationary bike. Or just walking in place.

3. 30 minutes. Moving just 30 minutes a day makes a difference. And it doesn’t have to be consecutive, either! I will admit, this is my biggest challenge. Maybe this is another area to have gradual progress?

4. Don’t take the closest parking spot. Try to build in natural times to make your body more active. Take the stairs instead of the elevator. This may require a shift in other types of thinking, such as the need to do everything as quick as possible. Leave earlier, slow down. Allow yourself time to let your body move.

Again, I’m not some kind of healthy eating or exercise guru. But gurus often have high expectations for those of us not quite as passionate about fitness. Hopefully you’ll find these tips a bit easier to, um, digest.